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Posts Tagged ‘friendship’

All of us have difficult times. None of us would live the fairy tale –to live happily ever after. Problems are everywhere. Even more, before we can solve one, another might come already. Indeed, this is my opinion, yet I am not sure someone would doubt it.

Our instinct always leads us to find ways to survive. Instantly, we would look for solutions. We would strive. But, inevitably, problems come without permission. Sometimes, it feels like we face a never-ending-problem.

Instantly, whenever we are in that condition, we would need encouragement. We looked for supports. We need someone, ears and shoulders. Logically, it is acceptable to burst out whenever we are in an under pressure situation.  Normally, we need to let it out and –might be– loud.

Natural but exceptional.

There were times when we really want to be comforted by others. Simple words, even the most monotonous could help. Just a short message on your mobile could be valuable too. Try to use applications on social media, opening the fortune cookie, possibly will make us relaxed a little. Anything that can assure us that we are not alone.

That this too shall pass.

However, it seems that this world is getting messier. The people get busier. Public demands more. Colleagues add up occupations. True friends are in demand. It is us, by ourselves. These might be true, but also might only be an illusion. We perceive that they are busy and could not be disturbed. That they need more time for their matters instead of for ours.

Therefore, it creates a dissonant in our minds. We want to be accompanied, we need companion. Yet, we would not want to be seen as additional weights, add more than what the prospect companions have. We need them but we also care with them.

Sometimes, it just feels right to keep all the things by ourselves. Sometimes, we would not want to bother others with our concerns. Sometimes, we just too tired to talk and share. Sometimes, we just want to be accompanied yet feel too tired to explain.

Not because we could cope by ourselves. Not because we are very optimistic. Neither because the problems would fade away by the time. We are also not superhumans. None of those.

Most of the times, we are afraid to be neglected.

We are scared that they would disregard our problems. Abandon our stories. Or worse, take a pity on us. Insolence our dignity.

Baldo by Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos on 02 Feb 2012 (from http://www.gocomics.com)

Are these ridiculous?

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Is that so great to thirst of being the winner? Is it that great to always put others as your competitors?
Seriously, have you ever get tired?

Call me a looser, but yes, I do think that to always compete with others would be too tired and boredom for me. It would make my life so full of rage and hatred. And even now, while I was writing this post, only to imagine that situation, I feel tired.

Yeah, lectured me anything. Trust me, I would only consider it as a wishy-washy-comment.

I do understand the importance of competition attitude. I could write a bunch of benefits to have that attitude. I do agree that competition attitude might motivate us to pull out the best of us. That we would keep on learning, not only to improve what we have got but also to gain new knowledge and skills.

Meanwhile, according to me, the best way to live is to live life to the fullest. Hurray to hedonism! *evilish grin*

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Today is my birthday… The 27th.

The second one that I celebrated overseas.
I had fun on my birthday.
I didn’t nothing really special actually… I got a gift from by boyfriend. A box of chocolate and horse-figure glass. Last few days, a good friend of mine gave me half-egg-chocolate with greenish duck on it. My family asked my boyfriend to arrange a cake for me.
A lot of people  sent messages to me. Facebook, SMS or even thru phonecalls.

However, I also get disappointed.

Those networking thing, is a good one on bridging people whereever they are.
But, I love more the old version one.

I know that to type texts takes time. I couldn’t ask more than others’ precious time, could I? But then, at certain point, I thought that it is not as personal as SMS or phonecall are.

And so text message to mobile phone.
I prefer one’s own words than forwarded texts. It just more personal and I could get a grisp of what’ve been passed so far.

I do disappointed to certain people who are I consider as my bests. But some of them were only text me on Facebook. While I try my best to text them personally thru SMS. Yes, it takes certain amount of money, but ones’ birthday do not happen everyday. It is only once a year ocassion. Why we should bother about that?
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This story is based on my own experience, happened a few weeks ago. Yupes, a few weeks ago. Just don’t have time to type it here.

First of all, I’ll tell you the context of it. I am studying applied social research. I admit that it is a unpopular choice, especially those from my country. After I said it, there are four options of reaction. One, they said “What is that?”. Two, “Ooo…” with a blank-anxious-face. Three, “Wow, great”. The third one occurs because they never heard about it, not because they really feel so. And last, starting the conversation which are related with the subject, but only a few did this – those who can understand what it is all about.

I learn how to make a good social research, the whole process. Starting from how to identify the social problems and form the researchs’ questions, to the analysis and further social interventions. Why I chose it? Because I already made a decision, that I will keep my interest on non-profit sector. I love to do something, not only for money. I have academic and professional backgrounds that will support me on research matters. And I believe that research should be the basic of every social interventions. Because humanitarian aids don’t suppose to be a lifetime dependency. The aids have to help the community but they also have to maintain the sustainability. This is important, because the aids are only temporary supports.

That’s enough I think.
So back to the case.

I had a chat with a friend, nothing special. Only to updating our current situations.
The chat was fine until my friend popped-up with a question that I perceived as an offended one.

“So how is your school?”
“Err…?”
“Yeah, taking overseas classes…”
“Oh.. Language always be the main problem.”
“Does it easy?”
“Like usual.. Nothing is easy at school.”
“Well, what I mean is.. Like in IT, the difficulties are the numbers. The mathematical things. How about yours? What makes it so difficult, with your subject?”

Hmph…
My brain worked fast…
What did she mean? Did she choose wrong words, so she said something unintentionally?

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After few months, I really need to post this subject.

I hate smart aleck, the know-it-all persons. Although it is not as bad as a hypocrite person.
I am wondering, why the know-it-all persons behave that way? Is it that bad to not know something? Do they fear to be called moron or unsocialized just because you don’t know something, even you really don’t or you are newcomers?

I realized that sometimes it looks nice to be a clever and fast-learner person. I know how it feels. My friends said that I don’t look like a newcomer in this city, since I know how to get here and there. But it is because I have been to that locations. I got lost few times, due to my stubborn-way-of-thinking. It is better to get lost, instead of keep on asking (stubborn!). After I got lost, I would know what are there and what are here.

I see this kind of person as people who are suffering to get others’ acceptance. To be seen as “someone”, to be respected. They have a kind of anxiety and somehow they do not feel comfort with the way they are. It seems that they have lack of self-confident. This is only a premature idea, no need to be taken seriously…

Anyway, I know that it is not fair to see other people through your own glass. Putting others into your philosophy, your values. That’s why I didn’t do anything to confront that person. That’s why I use this blog to share what I think about this situation… Trying to analyze the situation.

At the end, the easiest answer is because I am an arrogant person, who don’t like to see others know something more than me. So it was my problem, not theirs…

*Clip art has been downloaded from Microsoft Office Clip Art.

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Hey Hey…
I am trying (as always) to manage my time on blogging. Unfortunately, I am still not in a good position to do it.

However, I already start a new chapter in my life. I live in overseas to pursuing one of my dreams. As stepping into my dream, I also feel afraid. Whether this is the right choice, is it the right path for me. It is so hard to define what I have to do. There are no rules for life after we graduated from high school, aren’t they? When we were in the elementary school, it was easy. We didn’t have to think what we had to do. We just continued our academic degree as it had to.

But once… When we were in the last class of high school. We had to choose, what subject we would take. Should we take bachelor or diploma? Should it is taken in this city, that city or even overseas? What is the subject, who we want to be in the next decade? And so on.

Somehow, it happened. Until now, I see that process as a miracle. Who I thought I want to be isn’t the one who am I now. I never imagine that I will work this way, going that way. When I chose to apply in psychology, I didn’t have a good understanding on it. As far as I knew is psychology learns about human. I will help people for their mental health, not many differences with being a doctor. So be it!

Thankfully, it wasn’t the wrong choice. Sometimes, I imagine what would happen if I went the other way, what I am doing now. But, whatever it could be, I didn’t regret it. I am happy. I got a lot of great chances because of it. I met a lot of amazing persons who few of them I hope could be my long-lasting-friends. We share the same big dreams. We discuss so many things which I realized can’t be done with others. It doesn’t mean that the others aren’t fun or what, but it is simply because we have the same values and way-of-thinking. I won’t be a freak if I think about something that way instead of this way. We believe there always be reasons for anything and we hate the black and white thus we prefer the grey area.

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HAPPY SEASON GREETINGS!!!

(Eid Adha, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2008).
Hope for a better life for each of us!!!

After months, finally I know what to write in this blog. I just finished my work in Nias and already in my home… Home sweet home! No matter how big and luxurious any hotel is, my own room is always be the best.

Anyway, I learnt that it always hard to maintain any relationship. I assume myself as a person who has proper skill on maintain the relationship in any form. I always try to keep in touch with my friends. At least, on the big events and holidays which may be an open gate to the old relationship. And it works! People who accidentally lost the data in their mobile, usually get back the data when their friends sent the greetings.

There are times when I really get curious about what happened to my friends, what they were doing and so on. Based on my experience, I shall not delay it especially to those who really have close relationship with me. I don’t want to call it as a sixth-sense, too superstitious. Maybe it is more like a connection like what scientists try to explain between twins. Thus, sometimes I just sent the SMS to my old friends in “ordinary days”. Or called them, even not often due to the limited budget. HeHeHe…

To be honest, sometimes I feel disappointed when I didn’t receive any reply. Yupes, I know, we shall not expect anything when we are doing something for others. I understand that in holidays, the servers are busier than ever and caused a lot of failed SMS. I also understand that nowadays relaxation is a precious thing. And I admit that if to not reply SMS or phone is a sin, I must be one of the sinner.

For the last few months, I worked outside the city where I live and grow-up. And the cities are not nearby which can be reach by car or bus easily. The cities even lay on different island! Adjustment appears to be one of my problem. I really have to fight to adjust in new circumstances. I wasn’t only adjust in the new places, but also keep updating my stories to others in hometown.

Long distance relationship (LDR) costs a lot of money! I almost sure that none of you will doubt it. If there is any of you have idea how to have low-cost-LDR, please let me know. Internet helps a lot. But still, internet accessibility is not cover all areas and we still have to pay certain amount of money.

On the other hand, even though we have money to covers the cost, there still another problem. TIME. Yupes, time management. We have our duties, and people so the others. To find the right time is not easy. It is getting harder when the places have different time zone. Jeezz…

Why I write this topic? Do I feel afraid? Yes, I really feel afraid.
Due to my chosen type of work, I may have high frequency on traveling. Actually, traveling is one reason behind, but somehow it evokes problems. (Why it seems so hard to be an adult??). I also have plan to continue my academic degree outside my country (really hope for it). And it means years, not months! Afterwards, I also open the possibility to work overseas, including Africa. *faint*

I am sure that if this topic occurs, the word of choice, preferences and priority will come in any time. It is clear why. But what is not clear for me, how to decide? And do we really can’t to have them all? I mean to fulfill, I borrowed the psychological term, the need of achievement (N-Ach) and need of affiliation (N-Affil) together side by side? Do we really have to be “black or white”?

In psychology, the answer will be in gray area. I am very familiar with it.
Theoretically, I know that the answer depends on my own self. None may give the rightest answer for me.

Fortunately, this is blog… No right or wrong answer here. This is an open discussion!
I really look forward for further opinion from other bloggers based on their own experiences…

Last but not least, I hope I can maintain my spirit and ideas to keep update this blog.

*picture was taken from here.

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