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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

[determination]

Nothing is impossible…

I always love photography, I admire photographers who can take any interesting views. In my own opinion, a great photographers can “transform” any ordinary thing to be extraordinary issues.

OOT.. Yet, this is important to take the best angle of my face. HAHAHA… (just the other part of me).

I love photographers who can capture things which usually be abandoned, especially due to rushing behaviors. Anyway, I was looking for the photographs of Beijing Olympic 2008. And found out about Natalie du Toit from South Africa

She is a national swimmer with one leg! She won gold medal on 2004 Paralympic Games and participated on this current Olympic as the first female amputee swimmer ever! She didn’t win any medal on this Olympic, but I believe she did awesome! Inspire others and spread the hope!

She was born without physical disability. She had to amputated her leg after the scooter accident. Ironically, it happened in 2001, while people put their high expectations on her to join the national team on 2004 Athens Olympic. She could give up all her dreams on sport or any other dreams. But, she didn’t!

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Hey Hey…
I am trying (as always) to manage my time on blogging. Unfortunately, I am still not in a good position to do it.

However, I already start a new chapter in my life. I live in overseas to pursuing one of my dreams. As stepping into my dream, I also feel afraid. Whether this is the right choice, is it the right path for me. It is so hard to define what I have to do. There are no rules for life after we graduated from high school, aren’t they? When we were in the elementary school, it was easy. We didn’t have to think what we had to do. We just continued our academic degree as it had to.

But once… When we were in the last class of high school. We had to choose, what subject we would take. Should we take bachelor or diploma? Should it is taken in this city, that city or even overseas? What is the subject, who we want to be in the next decade? And so on.

Somehow, it happened. Until now, I see that process as a miracle. Who I thought I want to be isn’t the one who am I now. I never imagine that I will work this way, going that way. When I chose to apply in psychology, I didn’t have a good understanding on it. As far as I knew is psychology learns about human. I will help people for their mental health, not many differences with being a doctor. So be it!

Thankfully, it wasn’t the wrong choice. Sometimes, I imagine what would happen if I went the other way, what I am doing now. But, whatever it could be, I didn’t regret it. I am happy. I got a lot of great chances because of it. I met a lot of amazing persons who few of them I hope could be my long-lasting-friends. We share the same big dreams. We discuss so many things which I realized can’t be done with others. It doesn’t mean that the others aren’t fun or what, but it is simply because we have the same values and way-of-thinking. I won’t be a freak if I think about something that way instead of this way. We believe there always be reasons for anything and we hate the black and white thus we prefer the grey area.

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I just reviewed my email. I checked the unimportant things and somehow I dragged to the latest email in that account. Why did I do this? Nothing, I am simply an unemployed person. I have time to do anything though it is not necessary. So, I scrolled down and up, picked some emails to be read some. Clicked on the non-forwarded ones. The emails which have to be like mails, except the technology. HeHeHe…

In that account, as a matter of fact I have several accounts, the oldest one was received on June 2000. Almost 8 years ago. It is from my senior in high school. At that time I was trying to learn things to get into university years. I tried the national test to see whether I am lucky enough. Yes, I put the lucky word there, because I am not confident enough that I can beat others. That I am greater than them.

Anyway, I failed. I felt disappointed at that moment. Not because that I really want to go to the public universities. It is because I have to let go one of my dream, my personal goal for years. Since the first time I remember, what profession I want to do, I always put being a doctor in the first stage. I changed so many times, new things always interesting. But, one thing for sure… Get a MD. Years passed, I upgraded it to be a surgeon. HeHeHe… Guess that is one reason among others why I love to watch Grey’s Anatomy.

Thankfully I had second option. I found out about psychology. I didn’t really understand what it will gonna be. What will I learn. What kind of job for its graduates. In Indonesia, psychology starts to booming on 2000, at least by my own opinion. I just thought that I can keep my interest on social things. If I can heal physical condition, then perhaps I can with psychological things.

At the first semester, I enjoyed it so much. My father asked me whether I want to try another shot for the national test, to try to get my dream MD. I refused. I feel that this is me. I heard how my friends were doing in medical faculty. Jeez, totally I can’t. Years passed by. I have so much interest with counseling and social psychology. Clinical is on the list, but I still not confident enough with my memory capabilities. I don’t like to memorize everything, to be like a dictionary. Too lazy with it.

And here I am. Standing as a bachelor of psychology. Still not doing anything directly to cure others’ psychological conditions. As a matter of fact, my proposed postgraduate is not counseling. Has an indirect connection with social psychology. Still has a big dream with them, especially counseling one. But, I have to be a little logic here. To be a certified counselor, I have to work so many years and will cost a lot of resources (time and money).

It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to sacrifice that much. It just not logic for me. I can’t keep on learn and learn with money from my parents all the time, can I?

So, for whatever it may takes, I will take the way round. I am not sure whether I am doing the right thing or not. What will I gonna be in the next few years. No idea at all. I even get a little confused about what will I do after graduated. Yes, I have the options but it is not complete.

One thing for sure, there is no such coincidence in this life. Everything happens for something, for a reason.
There is a big picture for each of us, we have to put the puzzle one by one.
Just like for what happened before.
I do believe that.

*Image was taken from Microsoft Clip Art.

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Self as a part of the family. A family in the society in a nation in specified continent. Continent as a part of world. And world as a part of the whole universe.

I thought about it lately. And somehow, I feel powerless. I feel like a tiny little dot in a big picture. It seems like whatever we do, will always caused effects to others. When I change the color into red or green, the picture may become odd. All of us is a piece of a great masterpiece. But, do I always have to be in the shape which the painters asked me? How about the free-will?

To express ourselves regarding to the free-will always be a situation full of dilemma. We have to choose, whether we want to behave exactly what people expected, or be the way we are.

I always believe in the freedom of self-actualization. Each person have full responsibility to themselves. Who they want to be, what career they choose, how they reach their success. and why they did that. I believe this, so I don’t have to blame anyone because of my situation when it is going bad. Conversely, when I feel good on my choices, I can be proud enough to say “Jeez, I made the right decision”. I guess that it is the reason behind the wheel of life, to not be an arrogant jerk or the hopeless stupid person.

However, the freedom won’t be a problem if we live solitary. If we are not get interact with anyone of even anything. How it can be? Never. We weren’t drop in the middle of somewhere in certain age, but we were born from parents (legally or not, wanted or unwanted). We exist because of others. All forms of existences appear as a reaction from acceptance or even rejection from society, labels whether we like it or not.

Thus, we have to manage between the free-will and explosive need to actualize ourselves the way we want to be with the official and informal expectations. The choices are not only “to be” or “not to be”. It is not a black or white anymore. It has gray area, with various gradations. We have to deal with it to complete the picture.

For me, this is a huge thing. Sometimes I get exhausted on getting a balance withing what I want and others said. Like now and few days before. I want to break the wall and get free, but if I do that, a lot of people will get hurt. And it is getting harder to shatter-down the bricks since the expectations have good reasons behind.

Gosh… Maybe it is the cost to have consciousness?!!

*The picture was taken from Microsoft Clip Art.

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[point-of-view]

The last month, I learnt about something is not always the way we looked it. And then I finally found myself about the “Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom which be mentioned in The Simpsons Movie.

Yet, it, the book, shows us that we used to see something the way we want to see. It is a damn hard thing to be done, to see things from more than one side point-of-view. When we see people we like, then we tend to see the good things with them. And vice versa.

The worse is, if we put the wrong images. We put wrong judgment. It would be harmless if we only kept the images inside our minds. But whenever we should share the images, it may harm and humiliated the person.

Yeah, this tricky point-of-views usually lead to the miscommunication. This is especially for those people who don’t have arguing sessions as common things in their lives.

And here we go again… To put communication into its great function! Yes, communication will never fail us to deal with others. But we have to add the “time”, “patient” and “spirit” in the ingredients of the magic formula of good relationship. The communications may have much different kind of appearances. But, if the communication be held by good intention, I guess (read: I hope) it ends well. It may not, but I think we should take a risk to be misinterpreted than to put the clearer point-of-view, to see the big picture. To see something beyond what we first thought.

I guess so.

But then, we are only humans with our limitations here, there… everywhere. We are with our restrained capacity of brains. And these explain why I called it is a damn hard thing to be done. In this case, we need others. Others who may similar with us, dream the same goals, or they totally different with us except in the matter of time.

For me, to have discussion into some topics would be nice. Always be nice. Based on my opinion, discussion doesn’t have to accept one decision. The decision may be taken, but it doesn’t mean all the members of discussion agreed. But that is the risk, isn’t it?

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I watched “Freedom Writers”, and I’ll looking forward for the book.
It tells about how Erin Gruwell teached the (if I may called) abandoned and unwanted children. Each of you can read the full story in Freedom Writers Foundation.

I can see how fortunate am I to live where I lived so far.
There are discriminations of course, which sometimes humiliated me.
But I won’t talk about it now.
The movie doesn’t only tell about discriminations and teritorial area for certain groups.
It also tells us how to not give up, and even not to listen to what others said.
We have to put faith on ourselves.
And we have others to lift-up our faith!

Can you ever imagine any person could live without any supporting from others at all?
Not always in economic matters.
Sometimes, psychological supports are much more important.

It just like a circle of life.
We have someone to support us, then somehow we gonna be a supporter for others.
And the faith is paying forward on and on.

I also aware with the negative aspects of supports.
Whenever people expects us too high, to perform perfectly or something similar…
We would feel tired, wouldn’t we?

At that very moment, I just want to scream out and let them know.
To give up and let others do it.
To decline loads on my shoulders.

What did I do then?
Throw it out the angers…
Which end with tears usually.
And push myself on my track.
Where I belong to.
Who was I, who am I and who will I be.

“We fight each other for territory. We kill each other over race, pride and respect. We fight for what is ours” – Eva (one of the student).

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A friend who was my lecturer and supervisor asked me once, after she knew that I accept the offering to work at Aceh.
She asked me “What are you looking forward Cill by go to Aceh?”.

Trust me, it shocked me!

It is not a common question for me. People usually get enthusiast or terrified with my decision. Asked for many things related with safety reasons.
Only her who asked me such a question.

What did I do here?
Why should I go here?

People who I love and love me,
people who I care about,
my best friends, my friends, colleagues still in Jakarta.

I’ve got my own room there.
I can eat anything I want.
I can go everywhere easily, almost without any limitation with transportation,
I can speak easily without any language barrier,
I can be update with all kind of informations.

Then, what am I looking for?
At that moment, I answered that I am looking for myself.
Who am I?

And yet, it is hard to know who am I for real…
It is a never ending process of recognition and evaluation.

All the components need to be gather together…
Fire… The love and also the anger..
Water.. The tear…
Earth… Where we come from…
Wind… The way life blows us to.

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