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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

So this is Christmas

Another Christmas season is happening in this world. Snowmen, reindeer and sinterklaas are “coming” to the world. The decoration in the shopping centers  are  in red and green with joyful songs. Following the discount and sales, try to accommodate people  who celebrate Christmas on buying gifts. Well, the last one is also accommodating those who does not celebrate Christmas too on rejuvenating their cupboards. For me, this season never fails on boosting my mood. I can truly feel the joy. I can really feel the good tidings. I consider this as one of the most wonderful days I know, indeed, just like the song.

And what have you done? Another year over, a new one just begun

Be merry happily

Be merry happily

New year is the following. We have just passed the last working day of 2012. New year always be an interesting moment for met, at least. I can feel its joyousness and enthusiasm. Yet, I also get anxious on what would I be in the new year. Many statements on the 2013 resolution on social media websites and applications. Indeed, somehow, we start to think and consider what would be our goals in the new year. This kind of thought always lead me on a thrilling moment. The heart is pounding, full of excitement. Aiming high  realistically. At the same time, while we are thinking about the future, naturally we think back to the past too. This kind of thought has diverse emotions. We can feel relax, happy and even proud for what we have accomplished. We can feel disappointed for what we failed for, regret for what we could have done or for what we did. (more…)

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Hi you! Long time no see! A very common greetings from me, I suppose  J  Busy (pretend to), as always.

Last Wednesday and Thursday, I attended a “Regional dialogue on election accessibility for persons with disabilities“. Interesting, right? Nah, do not be too skeptical whenever the word “election” appears. It relates more about human rights instead of politics. Anyway, I would not talk about it further.

Regardless the interesting presentations, unexpectedly, I have met a friend whom I did not in touch with for 2 years; colleagues, whom I did not meet for at least a year; and a person whom I made contact with but never meet in person. This gives a proof that no matter what, the circle among people who work or have interest within specific topic is ain’t that big.

We relate one another, somehow.

However, in the big ballroom of an international four-star-hotel, my eyes could not be helped, to not observe with interest to a person. She is one of the official photographers for the event. Just like what good photographers shall do, she vastly moved capturing moments. She sensed attractive situation. Tried her best to not miss anything.

Indeed. She is “just an ordinary” persistent photographer.

Then, why my eyes did that way? Intuition never failed me.

(more…)

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On last days of 2010, I have an interesting experience in Indonesia. Many Indonesians shout out loud on their social network accounts, “Garuda di dadaku – Garuda in my heart”. A symbol of the proudness amongst Indonesians. Where the euforia comes from? Nah, it is not for the Independence Day. Nor the National Awakening Day. Nor the Youth Pledge Day. Not even the Pancasila Sanctity Day. Sooo??!!

It is because of Indonesia’s National Soccer Team!

The euforia of being the winner candidate, was very huge. All of sudden, the National Jersey is being the most wanted thing. Many, many, many people wear that jersey. Quite “odd” as usually people wear other countries’ jerseys who have won world cups. Pathetically, the players become public figures in infotaiment mass media!!!

I always raise my eyebrow whenever sportmen and sportwomen put too much time on infotaiment things.True, that media is important to raise awareness, so that many people aware what have been achieved. Yet, it would not help to achieve the real goals! Well, unless the goal is to be popular!???!

The result?

We lost on the first match of the final. Regardless, the rotten tricks that the opponent’s supporters did, the team did not play with their best capabilities! I against those rotten tricks as I always consider things like that belong to those with lack of capabilities! Yet, I also unfavour with the idea to revenge. Simply because it would mean that we are just like them!

Anyway, the team suceeded to revenge on the second match. We won the match, yet not be the winner. The good thing is that the team did not give up easily! And also due to sportmanship of the supporters who did not take revenge.

Yet, the greatest thing is that, this time, almost all Indonesians go into one voice!  (more…)

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ONE as a destiny

Do you realize that INDONESIA consists of ONE?

It seems that to be ONE is our destiny, it has been declared since this beloved country was born.
Indeed.
It does not mean that everything needs to be the same.
It does not mean that there should be only one race.
Neither do one religion or faith.
It does not mean that there should be only one of anything.

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This time, I want to talk about how great GOD is.
The last week, I felt like being hit by a world champion boxer.  Hmph, it might not the best illustration. As after any boxer has been hit by the opponent, he/she will get unconscious. So he/she might feel numb. Meanwhile, I was not feel that way.
I was angry and feel that I’ve got discriminated. I felt miserable and almost get depressed. There were a lot of emotions that I have. At the end, those make me feel so tiny and worthless. In fact, I should use the words ‘I feel’ instead of ‘I felt’ as whenever I remember the incident, I still feel the same way only with different level. Even now.
However, I will not share the incident but will focus on the positive impacts. Well, to bear in mind the positive points is much more important to build up the motivation. In brief, the incident is about how I be treated improperly. That I felt like being discriminated. To illustrate the pain, this incident does not only make me cried or angry. It has impacted on my self-image and self-esteem. It does make me depressed. The depression has outweighed the anger.
Further, with no intention to sensationalized, I even can feel how broken my heart is. Yet, the incident was far from one’s love life. For those who learn and/or understand about psychology, I did practice the avoidance coping. I really wanted to put those things as far as I could. I really wanted to go away to other continents, to not face the incident-related-future. I really did!
I was totally notice, how hard I had to push myself, my fingers to be on the keyboard. To type. And so was the brain. I had to dictate the brain to keep on working. To be sensible. To be sane. This helps me more than I need to know [in my opinion] how it feels to be pushed on doing things that you hate, but you don’t have other options.
Thus, I really learn that there are times when people do not really have the options. Previously, I do understand about this. That life is unfair. I do understand that disadvantaged situations might not always due to the people’s faults or even laziness. But, previously, that kind of understanding was only based on my empathy and knowledge on social issues.
But now, I do more understand and have more empathy with this kind of situation. But, I wouldn’t push people too much to be persistent with what they have started but don’t like. Though I still believe that we should be responsible on what we have started, with our decisions. But I have more tolerance on those who have to put aside things that they don’t like even they have to break their promise. Yet, I am not talking about marriage.
Meantime, as I pushed myself to concentrate and be rational instead of emotional, I put rationalism as the way of coping. In fact, I use this frequently. I rationalize that I couldn’t give up as it will fulfill what the opponent wants. I couldn’t give up as I receive many supports and couldn’t fail those people who put their hopes on me. However, it is not enough. Yes, rationalism is not enough. It brings me to have doubt on myself. As I said previously, it has impacted on my self esteem. To those who know me in person, it means that the incident is a totally horrible, as I am a hard-headed who rationalize almost everything. Therefore, I commit more on religious coping.
Well, I use it frequently too, but usually in the same proportion. I usually make a good balance between rationalism and religious copings to face the problems. This time, every rational points of thinking have failed me. I couldn’t think any rational reasons behind the incident except ‘everything happens for reason’ and it relates to GOD’s will. Nothing else. I couldn’t think other explanations. Usually, although I always hold that faith consistently, I am always able to see the bigger picture, to get a sense of explanation. This time, all I can think was only GOD knows why.
Yet, I have a sense what I should learn from this incident. As I always believe that ‘nothing is a coincidence’, I am being more sensitive on noticing motivational words. In fact, those are religious coincidences.
I played a playlist of religious songs in shuffled mode. Then, the list played the songs which related with what I need, surrender to GOD’s will. When I read the daily devotion, again, they state about GOD’s will. When I opened the Bible in random, the verses talk the same thing. All of those reminds me to have more faith on GOD’s will. That, HIS shall be done and not mine. No matter how difficult or hard they are, it has written in my life, the cross of mine.
These are some verses that ‘coincidentally’ reflect on what has happened to me. How those verses and devotional article strengthen me to keep on standing. However, I would not share all of them, but some which highly related to what I have experienced.
NIV’s [New International Version] devotion on Wednesday is titled ‘walking with GOD’. It states that:
‘this personal attitude toward GOD what we call devotion to GOD. But it is always devotion in action. It is not just a warm, emotional feeling about GOD, the kind of feeling we may get while singing some grand old hymn of praise or some-modern day chorus of worship…it is an attitude toward GOD.’
It is clearly related with my situation, and so does the previous three days’ devotions. I was in the midst of uncertainty, learned helplessness.
NIV’s devotion on Friday is title ‘fools for Christ’. It states that:
‘…Sacrifice is not giving up things, but giving to God with joy the best we have…means the surrendering of the miserable sense of my own unimportance…–not, do you know what GOD is going to do? You cannot know, but you have faith in HIM and therefore HE can do what HE likes.’
It reminds me to learn to that the glory has to be His instead of mine. That I, as HIS creature, should surrender by HIS will. That being considered as a fool by others might has different intention, according to HIS.
Amongst those NIV’s devotions, the weekend is being the most encouraging for me.
‘To wait on GOD is to struggle and sometimes to fail. Sometimes the failures teach us more than the successes. For the failures teach us that to wait on GOD is not only to wait for his mercy, but to wait by his mercy…The glory hidden in our failures is the discovery that the very thing we wait for is what we wait by! The success of our waiting lies not in who we are, but in who GOD is. It is not our strength that will pull us through to the end, it is God’s amazing grace and mercy.’
I cried [again] when I read this. All that I can do with the incident is just wait. There is nothing that I can do, except to try my best and put the rest on HIM. However, I usually put my will above HIS. I realized that I have to learn more about surrendering. And in fact, that is all that I can do. To surrender.
When I randomly open the Bible with a deep breath… God really ‘talks’ to me. Amongst those verses, I opened the pages which contain Psalm 91 to Psalm 94. Psalm 91 talks about under the GOD’s protection. Psalm 92 talks about GOD, the righteousness judge. Psalm 93 talks about GOD, the eternal king. And Psalm 94 talks about GOD, the righteousness fortress. These all have boosted my emotion. Those really comforted. As far as I remember, the first chapter that I saw is Psalm 94. With a deep breath, I read it through.
‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my GOD, in whom I trust.’ [Psalm 91:2]
‘The Lod is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.’ [Psalm 92:15]
‘He will repay them for their sins and destroy them for their wickedness; the Lod our GOD will destroy them.’ [Psalm 94:23]
And yesterday, I did that again. To open the Bible in random. Guess what I was leading me into? It was the page of Psalm 64 and Psalm 65. I read the Psalm 64 as somehow I sensed that way.
‘Hear me, O God, as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the enemy. Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked, from that noisy crowd of evildoers. ’ [Psalm 64:1-2].
Not to mention the websites that I read on those days. One of it is titled ‘Learning humility: Not every flower can be a rose’. The author reminds us that each of us has our own roles. To be
A heart that is humble rests confidently in His mercy and love, and has no fear of being little or unnoticed, nor any need for adulation. He may be walking with the red rose in His hand, smelling its sweet fragrance, but He will also lie down on the grass that is covered in a bed of small wildflowers, and He will rest His head on their simple beauty, enjoying their soft comfort. I can think of nothing sweeter than to be that wild flower that’s pressed close to His heart as He lies down to rest. That is all my soul really longs for.
And yesterday, I read a daily devotion which said that ‘God often digs wells of joy with the spade of sorrow’. I think those proofs are more than enough to share. As believe it or not, the words are keep on coming. Not only from the Bible, website or other articles; but also through friends. They unpredictably said things that beyond expectation. They have pointed things that highly related although they don’t have knowledge on what had happened to me in details. Well, that’s amazing.
So, at the end, one conclusion that I have is put your life under GOD’s will is too d**n difficult. Yet, HIS understanding is beyond what we could imagine. Just hold the faith, keep it without doubt.

Last week, I felt like being hit by a world champion boxer. Hmph, it might not the best illustration. As after any boxer has been hit by the opponent, he/she will get unconscious. So he/she might feel numb. Meanwhile, I was not feel that way.

I was angry and feel that I’ve got discriminated. I felt miserable and almost get depressed. There were a lot of emotions. At the end, those make me feel so tiny and worthless. In fact, I should use the words ‘I feel’ instead of ‘I felt’ as whenever I remember the incident, I still feel the same way only with different level. Even now.

In brief, the incident is about how I be treated improperly. That I felt like being discriminated. To illustrate the pain, this incident does not only make me cried or angry. It has impacted on my self-image and self-esteem. It does make me depressed. The depression has outweighed the anger. However, I will not share the incident but will focus on what I’ve learned. Well, I’ve learned some things, but these are some of them. And to bear in mind the positive points is much more important to build up the motivation.

Further, with no intention to sensationalized, I even can feel how broken my heart is. Yet, the incident was far from one’s love life. For those who learn and/or understand about psychology, I did practice the avoidance coping. I really wanted to put those things as far as I could. I really wanted to go away to other continents, to not face the incident-related-future. I really did [and still do]!

I was totally notice, how hard I had to push myself, my fingers to be on the keyboard. To type. And so was the brain. I had to dictate the brain to keep on working. To be sensible. To be sane. This helps me more than I need to know [in my opinion] how it feels to be pushed on doing things that you hate, but you don’t have other options.

Thus, I really learn that there are times when people do not really have the options. Previously, I do understand about this. That life is unfair. I do understand that disadvantaged situations might not always due to the people’s faults or even laziness. But, previously, that kind of understanding was only based on my empathy and knowledge on social issues.

But now, I do more understand and have more empathy with this kind of situation. But, I wouldn’t push people too much to be persistent with what they have started but don’t like. Though I still believe that we should be responsible on what we have started, with our decisions. But I have more tolerance on those who have to put aside things that they don’t like even they have to break their promise. Yet, I am not talking about marriage.

Meantime, as I pushed myself to concentrate and be rational instead of emotional, I put rationalism as the way of coping. In fact, I use this frequently. I rationalize that I couldn’t give up as it will fulfill what the opponent wants. I couldn’t give up as I receive many supports and couldn’t fail those people who put their hopes on me. However, it is not enough. Yes, rationalism is not enough. It brings me to have doubt on myself. As I said previously, it has impacted on my self esteem. To those who know me in person, it means that the incident is a totally horrible, as I am a hard-headed who rationalize almost everything. Therefore, I commit more on religious coping.

Well, I use it frequently too, but usually in the same proportion. I usually make a good balance between rationalism and religious copings to face the problems. This time, every rational points of thinking have failed me. I couldn’t think any rational reasons behind the incident except ‘everything happens for reason’ and it relates to GOD’s will. Nothing else. I couldn’t think other explanations. Usually, although I always hold that faith consistently, I am always able to see the bigger picture, to get a sense of explanation. This time, all I can think was only GOD knows why.

(more…)

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For almost a year, I keep on thinking about what am I doing.

Being an international postgraduate student is one of my dreams. I dream it for years. I tried quite many times, failed again and again. So, I do thankful with my status now. Not because of the “international” matter, but it is more about a fulfilled dream. Especially in the financial issue.

But then…
Life is not a fairy tale. Once you reached your dreams, you have to keep on struggling. There always be something after anything.

Like now…
On my first semester…
I had quite lot anxiousness. I am neither a great English speaker nor writer.
The subject that I am doing is not a popular one, means that it would be harder to find information about how to succeeded in this subject, to learn from the seniors.
And, all of my colleagues are English native speakers.
As an addition, I have different academic background than the basic of this subject, not too far but it is still different.

Jeez..

(more…)

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I just found out this advertisement from my friend who plurked it. And yes it is nice… It made me smile and smile…
I rarely watch Discovery Channel, although it doesn’t mean that I don’t like it. Just because I rarely watch television. However, I would not talk about my habit.

I do love the concept it made. It is true, this world is getting crazier than ever. I can’t see one way out for all of those craziness. As a social researcher, I try to figure out which point is the best to do the intervention. Social problems are much more complex than we thought… Although, it might not be thought that way for certain people.

I also have a way to complaint about this world! I know exactly, who should I contact whenever I want to discuss those nasty things. In fact, there are friends who exactly know how to support each others on doing this. HeHeHe…

Anyway, this advertisement is not only promote the channel, but also advocate current issues. As example, it shows Buddhist monks on “I love the whole world”, which may be trying to capture the Tibet issue. On the other hand, it also shows that people may have different interests. One can love the bridge, Egyptian mummies, tornado or jellyfishes. From Stephen Hawking to rockstars. Just be it. It makes the world more colorful!

Those people were captured to have one voice. They love the world with all its craziness.
Love the world with its various differences!

Just a little wondering..
If there are a lot of people who love the world, why our Earth doesn’t feel so?
How many destructive behaviors to the Earth.
And…
Can we really be titled as a world citizen instead of certain country’s citizen?
Or, the borderless ethnicity status?
One world faith?

Last, I hope that the blogosphere still can be an e-world which is free of any kind discrimination.
Since, I really love it.
It helps me to express what I feel and think to the others.
And at the same time, helps me to understand what others’.

Doom-dee-yada.. Doom-dee-yada.. Doom-dee-yada..
Doom-dee-yada.. Doom-dee-yada.. Doom-dee-yada..

*The video was taken from YouTube.
*The image was taken from xkcd.

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