All of us have difficult times. None of us would live the fairy tale –to live happily ever after. Problems are everywhere. Even more, before we can solve one, another might come already. Indeed, this is my opinion, yet I am not sure someone would doubt it.
Our instinct always leads us to find ways to survive. Instantly, we would look for solutions. We would strive. But, inevitably, problems come without permission. Sometimes, it feels like we face a never-ending-problem.
Instantly, whenever we are in that condition, we would need encouragement. We looked for supports. We need someone, ears and shoulders. Logically, it is acceptable to burst out whenever we are in an under pressure situation. Normally, we need to let it out and –might be– loud.
Natural but exceptional.
There were times when we really want to be comforted by others. Simple words, even the most monotonous could help. Just a short message on your mobile could be valuable too. Try to use applications on social media, opening the fortune cookie, possibly will make us relaxed a little. Anything that can assure us that we are not alone.
That this too shall pass.
However, it seems that this world is getting messier. The people get busier. Public demands more. Colleagues add up occupations. True friends are in demand. It is us, by ourselves. These might be true, but also might only be an illusion. We perceive that they are busy and could not be disturbed. That they need more time for their matters instead of for ours.
Therefore, it creates a dissonant in our minds. We want to be accompanied, we need companion. Yet, we would not want to be seen as additional weights, add more than what the prospect companions have. We need them but we also care with them.
Sometimes, it just feels right to keep all the things by ourselves. Sometimes, we would not want to bother others with our concerns. Sometimes, we just too tired to talk and share. Sometimes, we just want to be accompanied yet feel too tired to explain.
Not because we could cope by ourselves. Not because we are very optimistic. Neither because the problems would fade away by the time. We are also not superhumans. None of those.
Most of the times, we are afraid to be neglected.
We are scared that they would disregard our problems. Abandon our stories. Or worse, take a pity on us. Insolence our dignity.
Baldo by Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos on 02 Feb 2012 (from http://www.gocomics.com)
Are these ridiculous?
Well, have you “seen” what happened to Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson? Awesome talents, inspired milestones. Yet, they gone too soon. Without difficulties, no matter how distance we were with them, we understand how they struggled over their lives. How they reached the top of the world, “paid” expensively, then in “a sudden” they fell to the bottom. In all stages, people praise, utilize and criticize. Those happen even until they have gone! Indeed, it is horrifying to see how cruel the society can be. Terrifying to see how people can dramatically change their judgments, fanatically worship then violently harass.
Yes, they are superstars, public figures. While I, could not say we, am just an ordinary person. People would never worship me as they did to those celebrities. I would not dare to say like that. I do not have that kind of grandeur symptom. But the similar thing happens to non-celebrities too. Look on websites and go directly to the comments section. I bet you will see how cruelty is so near in our culture. Yes, including in Indonesia which is well-known as a country with its citizens’ hospitality and kindness.
Based on those examples, would we still be able to share what we are facing through? Could we express how we feel, what we expect and why we feel in any way? In my opinion, one should be extra careful whenever they want to open up themselves. It might be wiser to keep silent. Repress the emotion would be an effective defence mechanism to protect oneself.
Block it out.
Yes… Yes… I hear you! I do understand that this method might be effective but unhealthy. This idea could lead to a major psychological problem. Depression.
So how?
It is very easy to say, say it out loud. Or, let us know, we would not bite. Agree. Could not agree more. I always say those words too. I always give guarantee to my inner circle that no matter what, they know where to find me. No, I never said those words only as a wishy-washy-woo.
Yet, my point is, it is not that easy! Please be kind. Please spend more time to observe and understand. Please see around and see it closer. Some people might not say a word. Some people might smile and laugh. At some point, they are also crying deep in their hearts. And no, a short message with standardized words is not enough.
What do you think?
pesan singkat sudah tidak jamannya lagi. sosial media malah menjadikan kita sebagai mahluk anti social.
maka jadilah mahluk social yang benar benar social. bukan soksial. bergunalah bagi lingkugan sekitar kamu. berfikirlah mulai dari yang sederhana saja dulu. ngga perlu jauh jauh.
maka jika berbicara soal social ini jujur malah saya tidak bisa berkata kata. karena sepenuhnya saya belum merasa bersocial. secara Tuhan mengklaim kalau kita adalah mahluk social
betul sekali mata. merindukan sekali obrolan intens yang dilakukan secara nyata. walau tentu sangat berterimakasih dengan teknologi yang ada… karena bagaimanapun juga saya termasuk fans teknologi. kalau tak ada internet saya akan kerepotan juga
tapi komposisi sosial dan privat itu juga penting, ya ga si mata?
Cil, setiap orang butuh didengerin, tapi kayaknya saking dinamisnya lingkungan kita, seakan-akan kita ga punya waktu lagi buat sekitar kita. Kita mau apapun serba praktis dan cepat. Termasuk kalo orang cerita. Maunya langsung ke intinya aja.
Ya… begitulah. Makanya kita seneng didengerin konselor, dan ada sesi curhat… walau aku merasa segala komunikasi instan lewat media elektronik semakin menggantikan komunikasi face-to-face.
ia setuju sekali van, setiap dari kita butuh untuk didengar (dan juga mendengar). mmm, komen kamu jadi membawaku melihat pengaruh kemacetan terhadap hubungan dengan orang lain. macet itu kan menguras energi dan kadang emosi, jadi rasanya sudah lelah duluan gitu untuk bersosialisasi. ya ga si logikanya? mmm… menarik juga nih. hahaha…
mmm.. sesi curhat memang selalu menyenangkan, bukan dalam artian berharap selalu ada masalahnya tapi merasa dekat dan merasa tidak sendirian bagi keduanya. ya ga?
Cil,
It’s a right moment to finishing read this blog after watching Korean Drama 49 Days (Yes, I finishing read this blog in two days.. haha..). This drama story was the feeling when people can not share at the time they really share.
I absolutely agree that everyone needs to be listened but sometimes it’s hard to find people that we felt secure to share. Even in a moment called “sesi curhat”, sometimes we can’t really share what we need to share. But, in contrast, as Vanni’s said, our routines sometimes become an excuse for not listening others.
Then sometimes I really fell blessed that I still have some people to listen my story and people that need me to listen their stories too.
mmm.. never heard about the drama before. is it a sad-ending one?
yes, it is quite worrisome actually. as we grow up, we get busier. but life is like a curve, once we have reached the peak we will slowly have lesser activities. and maybe, at that point we would realize how we had no friends. hopefully, we wouldnt feel that way
and it is great to hear that you still have those kind people
they are your treasures in life.
I agree with you! Been thinking about the same idea lately.
Maybe it is because the change in culture makes us more independent but also more individual. And social media doesn’t help communication (except it is cheaper than sending sms) but also adding more distant on people relationship somehow……
huhu… so happy and a little bit relieved. i aint that bitter. hahaha…
i think some cakes can help people to communicate